Log in

Book of Nights [userpic]

Denial, body image, fear of failure

March 23rd, 2008 (07:10 pm)

I took my "before" pictures today. One thing that I see most often over at Physics Diet is that people lose weight and they really regret not having a "before" picture. I try to learn from the experiences of others, so I took my "before" pictures today. (One front and one side. Maybe I should have done one from the back, too...hmm...)

This was a big step, and a lot harder than I thought it would be. First of all, there's the body image problem. I have an image of what I look like in my head, and it doesn't match what I see in pictures. Denial? Body dysmorphia (or whatever it's called)? I'm not sure. But I do feel a sense of release having a record of how I really look, right now. (No, I'm not sharing those pictures until I have some "during" or "after" pictures to post with them.)

Another big reason I was putting off doing this, is that I'm afraid I will fail in my attempt to lose weight. Like taking "before" pictures means I'm taking it for granted that I will have "after" pictures. Jinxing it, or something. I have that same kind of fear about journaling about this year's weight loss focus, too. I'm afraid (and have some past experiences to back it up) that *talking* about something actually prevents me from doing/finishing it. So I guess I'm working on that, too.

The good news is that using the Physics Diet website is really working for me. I love looking at the chart of my average weight, and seeing how much green is on there. Watching that blue trend line moving downwards is greatly encouraging. It's really helping me to "not break the chain". And that is what is helping me realize that this time, it will be different. Don't break the chain.